GUESSING OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY GIFTS

Ughhh, I've had a really stressful week.
- Have you?
- You haven't helped. You've been here a lot. Also you've just been, like, tiptoeing around me,
being like, "Oh, can I make you a drink?"
And, like, walking, ...
- So you're saying you don't like it when I tiptoe around you
- Walk ... It's really frustrating, so ...
- All right, fine. If you want me to not tiptoe around you,
- And that backchat as well.
- I'll say it how it is.
- I mean, that's something I'm gonna really grow tired of
- I don't like that you were mean ...
- It's just like, d'you know what, when I married you, I didn't really ...
- ... about my sparkly disco drawers that I want in my office
- ... expect you to be here every single day of every ...
- And I can't believe you said it to my face after telling me that I can ...
- ... single week of every single year. And I'm actually shocked when I wake up ...
... and you're there on the pillow.
- ... decorate my office ...
- I know you're gonna crack.
- ... exactly how I wanted to decorate it.
- I know you're gonna crack with laughter. D'you know why? Because every time ...
- Because you said that I can have my office pink, fluffy, sparkly,
- ... I'm annoying, I make you laugh, and d'you know what? That's it. Argument ended.
- ... exactly how I want it.
- Splains!
- And then,
- Splains!
- ... you say you don't like my mirror ball.
- Splains.
- Ugh ...
- Yes!
Group hug!
I really needed to get that off my chest.
No, there's nothing in your teeth!
- How do you know? Double-check.
- You know, you're trying to hurt me, but you can't hurt me.
- I can hurt you.
- It's like, sometimes when you're an adult,
you argue in a different way. It's called passive aggression.
It's called being cleverer, that ...
- Okay, why do you say "Paahssive aggression"
... like you're so upper-class?
"PAAHssive aggression".
"Just gonna PAAHss you by."
Mate, be common like the rest of us. "Passive aggression", yeah?
- For this video
- Yes
- I had an idea
- Was it to get lots of money so we can pay off the mortgage?
- Yes, Rosie, it's that time of year again.
- That's right. Best Fiends is ...
- Like, like friends but without the "R".
- ... is a free puzzle adventure game where you, uh,
match same-coloured objects and collect cute fiends to defeat the slugs.
Know it off by heart, mate.
- You literally did this. (Peeks at script.)
Best Fiends is a free puzzle adventure ...
- It's not my fault that you put it over there.
- We've got the talking point requirements right here.
- I know I looked at ... I know I went ...
- Rosie, if you're doing an ad, you have to make it seamless.
Seemless integration, so they'd buy it more
Can't remember what level I'm on so I'm $#%#
Mate, I'm on five hundred and two.
That's five hundred and two, isn't it?
- 5-0-2. Yes, that does spell five hundred and two.
- Yeah
Do you know how good at ads we are?
- Mm
Did you know that Best Fiends mentioned us, said that we're one of their favourite advertisers?
- Oh yeah, I saw that
- They mentioned us in an article. I know, our manager sent us. How good was that?
- Shhh. Shhh. Be a bit more cool about it.
- All right, okay
- Be like, "Yeah I, I saw that article"
- "I didn't want them ..."
- "Was I, was I mentioned?"
- I wanted to ... They linked our video. Out of all the Best Fiends videos in the world, they linked our "Get Rich Quick".
We all know that Adpocalypse has hit us, and it's hit us where it hurts.
The LGBT section on Youtube
- Mm
- So if you wanna support your favs,
you know what you gotta do.
It's a free game
- Did you just use the LGBT
- Community ...
- ... Adpocalypse card?
- Yeah
- To make them download a free, free game.
- Because it's my card to use.
- D'you know what, you're right
- It's a free game, and link in the description below
- Absolutely right.
- Hold on, let me look at other talking points.
"You can win massive prizes" ...
- Don't, shh, don't let them see the behind-the-scenes of the seamless ad integration
Oh, hi, Wilma.
- Stop winking. That will help.
- Can I just interrupt the seamless ad integration
- Mm
- ... with, um, this. This is my favourite new garment.
- You interrupted the ad, right, with your T-shirt
- Well I think it's the colours of Best Fiends.
- It kind of is, yeah. Also, it matches your bracelet.
- Do you know? Do you know what I noticed the other day?
- What?
- That there's a new fiend called Rose, and I tweeted ...
- I know!
- I tweeted Best Fiends, going, "I am gorgeous." And they were like ... Best Fiends love me!
- They love me.
- No, no no.
- Uh, they, they, they called me a superstar. When I write, whenever they ask what level I'm on, I've always smashed the level.
And we always, I'm always exceeding their expectation.
- Yeah, but I feel like ...
- That's what I like to do in life. Exceed people's expectations.
- Oh, really? I'm still waiting.
- Seamless ad integration. Go!
- Right now you can go on an Easter Egg hunt, and if you collect all twelve eggs, you can win massive prizes
I even did you thing.
- I mean, that was the ugliest thing I've ever seen.
Rosie, why don't you hit these guys with a clue that might help them on their Best Fiends journey.
- Okay.
We have a special clue from us to you ...
- Don't worry, guys, we've got a special clue from us to you to help you on your way.
That's your cue
- Okay. Just gonna read it again.
To find this Easter egg, try looking for something that Granny Slug is proud of.
- Do you wanna say that?
- I mean, I could do, yeah. Do you want me to do the last talking point. We only have four of them, Rosie.
We've spent about half an hour on it.
- Download the link below for ... Uh. Download the game for free using my link below. Right.
-  Amateur
- Download the game for free using my link below to get five dollars' worth of gold and diamonds for free. Did I mention it's free?
- Now that the talking points are done, let's get back to the clickbait.
Right. Okay, so ...
- Mm. But thank you, Best Fiends, for sponsoring this video, though.
- You know, thank ...
Thank you, Best Fiends, for sponsoring this video.
- Yeah, it's nice to actually do a video and get paid, isn't it?
No, it was genuine, 'cause we never make any money
- Yeah, that's ...
- As we're doing now, so
- Yeah
So I had an idea for this video
- Okay, but so did I, but fine.
- ... apart from all the ...
Apart from all the money-making.
Let's re-create our first date, knowing everything that we know about each other now.
- It would just be us talking to each other now.
- Mm
- 'Cause we do know everything about each other.
- Okay, then let's change the rules up even more and make it even more interesting
- Right.
- I know. Why don't we re-create our first date, only in this scenario, I'm straight.
- I like my game better when I had the cocktail mixes and we were gonna do the accent accent challenge.
- I love that idea.
- I know
- The accent accent challenge is great
- It's the one where you speak a different language in a different accent
- And you've gotta guess
- You gotta get the language and the accent
- The language and the accent
- Yeah
- But I don't know any other languages
- So, like, for example, I would speak French in an Italian accent.
- Ah, I see
- It's really interesting
- Go on then.
- I wanted to tell you a story anyway
- Okay, go on then
- Okay, so ba ...
- I'd love to hear it
- And it's a story of second-hand embarrassment.
- I love that
- So I thought I would share
So I used to have this friend. I'm gonna try really hard not to name her name.
- What's her name?
- So basically when we were coming out of our GCSEs,
I stayed on at sixth form, she went to a different college place, right?
But um, she went to go to a performing arts specialist college
- Yeah
- So, um, she had to buy some, uh, ballet shoes, is the requirements.
Please don't rush me because it's a great story
- Hey, who's rushing whom?
- It's honestly a great story.
- Babe, you don't have to ...
- If you have the patience to ...
- You don't have to tenderly, if not threateningly, touch my shoulder
I will not rush you any more.
(Ow)
- As, uh, friends do, I went shopping with her to get her ballet shoes.
- Ah
- So we went to this shop that her mum had told her to go get them from, or whatever
And, um, she got out her foot.
And basically,
She didn't ever trim her toenails.
- Why?
- And her ...
Her toenails were so long
that the woman was like,
"I ... can't ..."
"... give you ballet shoes."
'Cause you have to try them on without socks, I think
Ballet shoes ...
- So it was a hygiene risk?
- She was like, "I'm not gonna do that."
"They'll cut through the ballet shoes." 'Cause ...
- What?
- They were so hard and long, right?
- Oooh. Was it one of those situations where you had to look away and pretend you couldn't hear anything?
- Well it was really embarrassing. She was like, "Oh."
And, and then the woman's like, "Sorry."
- How old was she?
- Yeah, like, going into seventeen. Yeah, yeah.
- Like, seventeen, seventeen
- Yeah
And um, the woman was like, ...
But it goes on. There's more to the story
- Oh, there's more
- So I was going shopping with her
- There's always more.
- And she was like, "No, I ..."
"I can't serve you them. You can't try them on, and they won't fit you properly. Like, you have to go away and sort out your toenails"
She was literally like, "Cut your toenails" in front of ...
We were in public
And I was like, "Oh, okay. It's really embarrassing."
- It's embarrassing.
- So we left the shop, and the ... my friend was like,
"Oh, like, I really need those shoes to start my course."
And I was like,
"Why don't you cut your toenails?"
And she was like, "Oh, my, my toenails ..."
"I'm really ticklish."
"So ..."
- Yeah, you didn't say, "Why don't you tickle your toenails?"
- I know. 'Cause she was like, "I can't touch my feet. I can't have anyone touching my feet. It's really difficult."
So being the type of person who goes all out for their friends
- Yeah
- ... and will do anything for their friends
- What the hell did you do?
- I was like,
"I'll cut them for you."
Right? So we went back to mine.
And I got out some scissors, right?
And first of all, I couldn't touch her feet because she was kicking me in the face, cause she was like,
"It tickles, it tickles. I can't have anyone touching my feet." Right?
Those actual scissors wouldn't cut them
Because she'd grown them ...
She had just never cut them
- They'd hardened
- Hardened
- Like bark!
- Yeah!
- OH!
- You, you always ...
- Oh, it wasn't what I thought it was.
- Did you poo?
- I mean, I ... Maybe.
Yes
- Toenail clippers wouldn't clip through them.
And then she tried to do it herself
Couldn't do it.
- So what DID do it?
- It went unresolved, but then, d'you know what?
- Oh, that's a good story!
- It went unresolved
- I'm so glad you told it.
- But bascially the point of the story is
- Are you sure?
- I'm such a good friend that even after being really embarrassed
- Yeah
- Like, I was like, "I'll ... I'll cut your toenails for you."
- Wait a second, Rosie. Stop.
You started this great story
We took the long road around it.
- Didn't you like it?
- And now you're saying that there was no conclusion to her "trotters"?
- Well probably the conclusion is, she couldn't cut her toenails so they're probably all curled over now
- Did she ever dance?
- I don't know.
We didn't ... We stopped being friends after that
- Oh why?
- Oh, it's a long story.
'Cause she ... she ...
- I think we, I think we've all got time
- She told a friend I bitched about her, and then my friend fell out with me, so I fell out with both of them.
- You were a very non-problematic teenager, weren't you?
- Yeah
- That's what I've heard
- I'm just a normal teenager
- That's what I've heard
"Is my eyes crossed"? First of all,
Upperclass over here.
ARE my eyes crossed?
- Is they?
- Rosie, Rosie, Rosie, just, just stop adopting symptoms from other people.
Sometimes my dad's eyes cross for no reason and he can't uncross them.
- No, my eyes cross for no reason
- No, Rosie, that's my dadddd
- No, uh, sometimes I'm looking at my nose and I can't stop looking at it,
and I try and look at other things
- That's because you're looking at your nose!
- I know, and then I do this, and then ...
- Voluntarily!
- And then I go like this so I can't see it any more.
- Rosie, I worry for you, babe.
The older I get, the brighter colours I'll wear
- Right
- ... to detract attention from my aging face
- Mm
- So if I can ... Just like the ...
Just like the moon reflects the sun
- Mm
- My face will reflect all the light from the colours
- Faces isn't what you got to worry about, babes. It's the neck and the hands.
- Hands don't lie when it comes to aging, you are right
- Why can't you get hand surgery?
- What surgery are you gonna have when you're older?
- Um ... Pfff
What do you reckon is gonna go first?
I reckon it's gonna be your turkey gobbler. No offence.
- I've only got two
- I reckon, in the next twenty-five years, I'm gonna walk in every morning, and you're gonna be like,
"Wobble wobble Wolololo cup of tea Wolololo"
I'm gonna be like, "What?"
I'll be like, "What are you saying?"
You want me to do the noise, don't you?
You want me to do the noise... Okay.
I do this this noise, right,
Basically sometimes when my tummy rumbles, I think it's funny, and
I, I ... for some reason, I did this noise to replicate the sound of hunger
And Rosie finds it so funny. I don't even think it's that funny
That is my stomach every morning.
You're like, "Morning." I'm like, ...
"Are you hungry?" "Yeah, I am, actually. What gave it away?"
- Ahhhhhhh
- Ahhhhhhh
Do you know, Best Fiends is the closest enjoyment I have to our own videos?
See what I did there? I was selling both our videos and Best Fiends, yeah.
- Oh I got it. I thought it was great.
It was a good tactical move
- Selling it, right? But they're both free.
- Can I ask you quite a personal question?
- Yeah
- You know you find things within the game?
- You're gonna ask about my absent father again, aren't you?
- Defeat the slugs to increase your own esteem to find the absent father ...
- Yeah
- ... you, you never had
- And find the absent FATHERS.
- Oooh
- Neither of them will give me their address
- It got very dark very fast
- Mm
- Do you wanna, um, hear the fiends' names to see if any of them are for our baby?
- I would love that.
- Because I do notice some of them have good names. For example, one of them was called Rose.
Do you wanna hear all the ones I've collected so far?
- Above and beyond the talking point requirements
- I know. We don't need to be doing this, but I am.
- Seamless ad integration.
- Right. I've got Brittle, Whisper, Dennis, Beau, and Pop.
- Beau is cute
- I know. I like Beau. That is ... That's Emma Bunton's child, isn't it, Beau?
- I don't know
- Um, then I got: Tantrum, Gordon, Bob, Moose, and Woo
- Tantrum!
All right, put it down.
You've gone above and beyond
- I know.
- Oh my god, babe, right? I'm worried we're so lesbian, right?
I actually worry we've reached twin psychic power where you have an itchy nose, I have an itchy nose.
- Two things to say about that. One, that's a load of crap.
Two, bi-erasure much?
- I don't really understand that. But anyway
Did you recently read the article about that woman, right?
- Yeah I did
- ... who had a birthmark, and she realized she was actually both her and her own twin
- What?
- Yeah, and she had two sets of DNA, two different blood types, and two different skin types.
- She ate her twin?
- No, she was her own twin
- What?
- So basically, she had, like,
... a big ...
- Are you sure she wasn't looking in a mirror?
- No, she was her own twin.
- That doesn't make ... See, you can't be your own twin if you're not a twin ...
- She was two people at the same time ...
- I don't believe you.
- I'll show you
- I don't need the receipts. That's boring.
Just tell me the story
- No. I'm gonna show you a picture
- I don't care for it.
- "Girl who was her own twin"
- She absorbed her other twin ...
- Yes. See the birthmark?
But it's got different DNA, so listen, right?
- Why did she do that? In an argument?
What are we doing for our wedding anniversary?
- I don't know. Apparently we're getting the dog groomed. What do you want to do?
- That's exactly what I wanted to do. You're so, you know me inside and out.
- What would you like for br ... I know what you want.
- Honestly?
I know all the things you want. Let me tell you, without you even saying them.
And you just go "Dingdingding" in post-edit, okay?
- Go on.
I know that you would love, in your lifetime, the Buffy scythe.
And if you can't have that, just a poster of it, for your office.
Uh, you hate flowers 'cause they die.
You like my Booja chocalates
Um ...
You like Reebok.
You like trainers and headphones.
You like equipment. You like technology
- Okay, you're going a bit off now. I don't just want technology. (Yes. I do.)
- You like watches
Like some vouchers
- Okay, what ... where would I go if I could go anywhere?
- Pennyhill Park
- (Pennyhill Park)
Tell me all the things you're gonna get me for our anniversary, or what I would like. Well, anyway
- Farrow & Ball pink paint
- Mm hm
- ... for the one wall of your office
- Mm hm
A fluffy ...
... pink ...
... editing chair
- Mm hm.
- Glittery filing cabinets ...
- Mm hm
- ... that are reflective like a mirror
- Mm hm. What else was on the list?
 Keep going.
Um, one of those grids that you put little notes on ...
- Mm hm
- ... with, like, a little pink peg
- I actually wanted a see-through glass one, but yeah.
- 'Kay ...
- Yeah
- Uh, a fluffy rug
- Mm hm
- of some ... Mm
- Mm
- Um ...
- Mm hm...
- A Clueless poster
- Mm hm
- In a pink frame
- Mm hm. Anything else?
- A mirror ball?
- Yeah
- Aaand end scene
All right, guys, that's it from us
- Did you just try to go ... We just stopped doing something. We're going, "Aaand end scene."
Were you proud that I knew everything for anniversary?
Have you noticed that even though you bullies me, that I'm so nice to you?
- I was just doing my sign-off
- Does you like that I know you so well?
What are we doesing for anniversawy? #$%$
- We are going to ...
- Can we go sopsing after this?
Can we go to the post office, and then go sopsing?
- "Sopsing"?!
- Because then ... 'Cause then I got my works in, and then I can go sopsing
- We never go shopping
- Does you want to take me sopsing, Bone?
- We save all our money
- Do you know what all my favourite shops is?
- What?
- Skinnydip, Topshop, Zara,
Miss Selfridge, %$&$
- What annoys me about you is, right, that you annoy me so much, but then you're so cute
- I like polka dots